Today is Saturday, yesterday Anton and I went and I bought a new vape to smoke. He paid for it and I am very thankful. We also went to buy food because we had a friend over for dinner in the evening.
We share a bed because there is no bed in the spare room, so yes, it happened last night. He called my name, and I am not sure how I still feel about him. I love him, yes, but I am not sure if I want to be with him until I die because he feels that there is someone out there who will love him more than I do.
I'm thinking of starting karate lessons to help me defend myself, not just against him, but anyone who tries to hurt me. I want to be stronger, but I am still worried about when I turn 60. I will speak to a financial advisor on Monday to get an idea of what will happen to my pension when I turn 60. I'm tired of struggling, and I feel like I've had enough.
I'm going to paint in my place in Centurion, and if Anton allows me to live with him again, I will only do the painting there at home in Centurion. I can then take a break, but it will cost me extra because I'll need to pay Anton for the time I spend living with him in his two-bedroom apartment.
I started working on the steampunk gun yesterday. I made a video and took pictures. Anton helped me with the video and took some of the pictures. Today I am still working on the gun and starting to work on a Google Sheet to provide a quotation for the Montana High School concert. I showed it to Anton, and he is happy but wants to do it slightly differently, which is fine.
Today we went to a club, Raras, nearby and had pizza and drinks. When we came back, he said he was going to Rasas tonight to meet his new friend, who he really likes. So, I stayed home tonight, had a couple of beers, worked on my blog, and maybe watched a movie on Prime Video.
I realized today that I am not perfect. I have made my own mistakes, and there are many things I do that people, especially Anton, don't like. He has changed since I moved out at the end of January, and that breaks my heart because he is special to me.
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